Just not feeling it...

I am just not in the mood to write but I feel the need to keep up with the blog, since I have no internet on the weekends. I love reading peoples blogs daily and get kinda bummed when they don't have a new entry. So here it goes...

I had a good chat with my mom this morning. Funny how one minute she can get on my nerves and then the next I just love love love her to death! By the way, much more love than nerves! I promise! I wasn't in the mood to chat this am but that quickly changed and thank God because I needed it. I only have about 5 minutes peace in the car each morning from the time that I drop off the kids to the time I get to work. God put a song on the radio JUST FOR ME! It was Twyla Paris singing Great Is Thy Faithfulness. Loved it and just asked God to keep reminding me this throughout the day. And yes, I sang it as loud as possible in the car to myself :)

This weekend will mark two weeks without going out to eat. This means no quick breakfast stops at the gas station or a 1$ Hardees biscuit and no lunches out and no dinners out. Whether its just me or the whole family. Some days its hard but most, I am finding out that it really isn't. And if at all possible I would like for it to stay that way. That will also make date night much more treasured! Also, grocery trips are for just the supplies that we need to get through the week. Until we get on top of bills/finances, this is how it will go. Then slowly, once the bills are paid as the plan states, we will have a little extra to do a few things (I think). I feel the change, it is hard, but if we stick with it after a few years we will be living much better off.

I started cleaning out the study area of the house. Really its the dinning room but we put our computer stuff in there. I have placed an add to get rid of the roll top desk because I never use it and it is just taking up space. But the shred stack is unbelievable!!! The dust is unbelievable!!! I cannot wait to get it finished and de-cluttered. I really would like my house to look good by the girls party weekend. I know that I can do it. I still want to add some black and white pictures to the kids bathroom. I have my idea, just have to do it. Only a few more party supplies to get and then just the food. But the huge expense, except for food, is done! :)

Well, I guess I have more to talk about then I thought.

To me...



33 years =
396 months
1716 weeks
12053 =12045 days + 8 days(because 4 years one year is 366 days so)
289272 hours
17356320 minutes

Wow! Who would have thought I would make it this far. We live our days as if it is the last one. Worried that we may not ever finish high school, get married, have children, or be financially stable. I would tell 15 year old me to just slow down. Enjoy life a little more.

I wished I would have competed a little more in solo and ensemble. I wish I would have finished trying out for cheer leading in high school. I would tell myself not to worry about what people think about you in high school because once you graduate nothing from that period of life matters anymore.

I would tell myself not to worry about a husband, my time would come. And kids, slow down and enjoy single life and the money you have - take a good "blue water" trip before kids! God has a very grand plan once you decide to have kids, you will never guess what it is either and I could tell you but lets let it be a surprise.

I would tell myself, to love yourself, inside and out. Phases of life will come and go but you will always be. Also, show love to your parents more. One day you will understand a parents love and it will all become clear. They really do want what is best for you. Their ways are not always your ways but your ways are not theirs either!

I could go on and on but these things are what crossed my mind. I am happy to be turning 33 and cannot wait to be 40. It just means that I have survived another year of life (not the life/death thing but just life in general). I can learn and grow. As my children get older I can only hope to pass on some of the things I have learned and hope to get them to embrace slowing down in life.

Time away...

Here is where I want to go...

Anywhere with clear blue water! A safe country preferably, but anyway that is my dream to go.

What I am planning right now, is a girls getaway. When I say girls I mean just me and my mom!! Surprise mom!!! Get ready because although you will be sad that I am not bringing the kids, we are going to have fun that weekend. That means conversations with out interruptions, eating when we feel like it, and no schedule. Sometime in the fall, say Octoberish. We will set a date and make plans. I already talked with husband and he says its OK. :)

Time...

Day after day. We wish our time away and then when we get there we want to go back and do some of it over. We wonder why we make the choices we make, but they all lead us to one destination, HERE!

I found Dave Ramsey, by searching, getting out of debt. I plugged our debt into the program and at first just credit cards, then I added a few more big ticket items. I was shocked to say that least that we could be out of debt in just 5-7 years. And I am talking some big ticket items. I talked with the husband and he is now more dedicated to sticking with the plan of no extra spending and getting bills paid off. If we can relieve the debt and monthly payments then we can actually enjoy a trip to the zoo and other fun things. I read in a magazine yesterday, something to the effect of: Instead of keeping up with the Jones', try to keep with the Smiths.  In other words, keep company with people who are like you and want to keep your financial goals instead of living beyond your means. Now not all our expenditures were excessive, but some were not needed. As my mom and dad say, there is a difference in needs and wants. Ask yourself this when you go to buy something.

We have kept our goal so far by not eating out. Its going good and I know that over a months period we will see a difference. We do have one scheduled eating out time and that will be the night of Aug 5, due to unavoidable things. But we are looking forward to that. Also we decided to skip our Sunday school social to keep our "Smith" goal and avoid a big dinner bill because they are eating at a "nice" "expensive" restaurant.

I did spend a little this weekend, I bought picture frames. This was a need in my mind. My girls are one month away from turning two and they were no where on our walls. Well, except for a couple small places. Well, we remedied that. I love it too. We added our family picture to the large living room wall, it looks glorious. I added H and L&A to the front door wall - that will change annually with their new pictures they get on their birthday. Also in the hallway the girls were added to the family wall from the 1 year photos. I completed their collage and also added their picture beside my bed. I love each and every one and they make me smile when I pass them!!! Cant help but stop and pause, I should have done it sooner.

Operation sound machine is over! We have gone a whole week now and also completed nap times and all is well in our house!

We are three weeks away from H starting 1st grade and we will go shopping for school supplies this weekend! He is excited!

I found out today that the girls will be promoted to the two year old class at church. I am happy and sad. I am very glad they will be out of the nursery... That nursery is horrible. Matter of fact I just told Husband yesterday that I really didn't like our Sunday school (teacher) and the nursery. But we have the next two weeks off. So well see when we get back.

I guess I have rambled on enough...

Holdin on tight to my goals!!

PS: Thanks for the post!! You know who you are :)

Dreamin on...

Dream on, girl, dream on...

Found it...

OK, I found the house!!

Affordable, yes.
Space, yes.
School system, yes.

Getting out of our house... probably not! But I am in love anyway!

One day at a time...

I remember driving with my grandparents in their RV and hearing the song play, One Day at a Time Sweet Jesus. I am embracing this song now.

I was able to have a really great talk with husband last night and was so happy that he would actually talk with me and share some things that he feels that I never knew. I pray that we stick with our challenge and that one day in the future we will see the light at the end. We see a pin hole light and that will have to do for now but we will work together to get to that full light.

I am happy to say that we are free of the sound machine and I/we are not going back. Nap times will be interesting on Saturday and Sunday, but since they sleep at nap at school without a machine, I am hoping that they adjust just fine like they did at night. I love not having to rely on it!

Toddler beds are coming next and then potty training.

The dance...

My husband said he had a little tear in his eye last night.

You see, during operation no sound machine, I put a CD player in its place. Monday night they told me to turn it off, they didn't want it. But last night I turned it on and they liked it. Husband was sitting on the floor and me in a chair as the girls wind down from the dinner/bath routine. L goes to him and says "dance, daddy" and pulls on his hand for him to stand up. He gets up and then of course A goes to hold his other hand. L says "dance, daddy, dance". So there in the girls room, swaying to Celine singing a lullaby no less, husband had his first father daughter dance with his two favorite girls!

Such a sweet moment to never forget.

Open...

I wasn't sure what to title this one because it will be random thoughts.

First, thanks to my mom for just listening to me vent. Mom + Daughter = BFF!

Second, day two no sound machine went just as well as the first night. I am so excited that this transition is going well. One more night and I think I will be ready to get rid of the machine altogether.

Third, I am party planning! Fun times and getting lots of list going. The party will be "under the sea" theme with mermaids. The girls love bubble guppies show, so I went with under water idea. I have ordered some decorations and gotten some table wear. Now the long lists begin. But I am having fun with this party and cannot wait! Really, my girls are going to be 2!

They moved up into their new toddler room this past Monday. The first day was rough on L and she didn't eat her lunch at all, but she did come home and eat a good dinner. I was told yesterday was a lot better for them both. Again, they are growing so fast and say 4 word sentences and can respond back with answers. I love the communication, makes things go smoother when I know what is wrong or what they want.

A was at the dinner table last night and we gave her some alfreado w shredded chicken. She took one bite and spit it out and said, "no like it, mama" and pushed her bowl away. Just funny :)  She saw me eating peas and asked for a bite. I gave her one and then she asked for more. I gave her a bowl of peas and then later she had some applesauce. Oh well, I guess if she was hungry enough she would have eatin it. Of course L ate it all. She eats anything!

H is getting so excited for 1st grade. He ask a lot about how much longer it is till he gets to go back. I truly hope that his attitude stays the same for the whole next year. Also pray that he learns how to control his talking. Fun times are ahead for him and I love his enthusiasm.

Operation no more sound...

The sound machine that is.

Props to Moms On Call. If you are a new mom or just need to learn a technique to getting your baby to sleep with a swaddle and sound machine, call them! The girls were sleeping through the night at around 7-8 weeks and that made this mom very happy and gave me sanity too! They were out of their swaddle wraps by 6 months but we still used and traveled with the sound machine. I never used one with our first child but it worked with the method for the girls. More or less, I just got tired of having to make sure it was packed.

I waited till after the week long beach trip and decided that Monday would be the day. I am very proud to say that last night was so so so very easy! :)  I put the girls in their bed and walked out of the room and they didn't even fuss at all. A few minutes later L was calling to for me to come back. I went back in the room, which was strangely silent, she asked to be covered up. I covered her and checked on A again and then left the room. Again no peeps. Shocked is my word!! I just marveled at how easy it was. And they slept until I woke them up this morning at 7am. I truly believe that we parents dread change more than the babies, ie. pacifiers.

Well see how tonight goes...

We did it!

As Dora says, We did it!! (and I heard a lot of Dora this past week) :)

We survived our week of vacation with the whole family at the beach! And to be honest it was wonderful. A lot to talk about regarding the week, but first I wanted to share a pro found thing I thought of.

For that entire week, I only thought of my family. Only my family! I went a whole week with no headaches and really just enjoyed my them. No one else's problems and it felt really good. Sometimes I think if we could just cut out all the gossip or envy or keeping up with the Jones', that we could really enjoy life. I didn't think about finances or what problem someone else was facing. I am not saying to no longer be concerned with others needs but just to take a step back and realize how it might be affecting your mental state.

My husband and I were discussing it yesterday and he said that we should just not talk about other peoples gossip. Well, I kinda laughed at him. You see, that is easier said than done. Although I am going to promise to try and not let it consume me. People are they way they are and what I think of them is not going to change them. Finances are not going to be what dictates my happiness. I will take one day at a time and cross one bridge at a time.

I saw an update on a blog the other day. This family just moved into a new home. Its a beautiful home and I pray that God blesses them in it. God opened other doors for them as well. But I will say, the picture of that house also brought me to tears. You see, we have been struggling financially for years now. We have a huge student loan bill that we cannot even begin to start making payments on. Mostly due to the twins being born and all the expenses that entails. I broke down that night and with my husband holding me, I told him that we had to get out of debt. I just cant handle the stress of it all. So we set a small goal. No more eating out for a month. Our goal is by August 16. If we make it to then then we will get a small reward for keeping our goal. Not to say that we wont get a $5 pizza one night, but no major 40-50$ meals out. This would be a huge chunk for us. Then I want to do another month and so on. I will also vow to not purchase myself anything extra as well. Till we are out of debt. I think that cutting out the extras will at least help me know that I am doing all I can. I know that this will not happen overnight but we have to start somewhere. There are alot of other details but I don't want to talk about them on here. ( of course we are making a trip home before school starts so that will be extra, but after that no more)

Anyway, changes. I will change!

Too cool...

Well, it has finally happened. The dreaded, "mom can you just give me kisses here" before we go inside the school building. He is officially too cool to be seen kissing his mom goodbye. :'( He will be 7 in September and it seem like just yesterday that he was toddling around. The husband will complain that H talks a lot, and he does, but I keep telling him that one day soon he will stop talking with us at all. I am praying that the open lines of communication are always there and that it is a long time before this happens. With every year that passes new parenting issues arise. But they are amazing when you look back and see the growth that you have nurtured.

So today, even though I had to give kisses outside or where his friends will not see, at least I am still getting those sweet hugs & kisses from him!

Support...

Its very important! Any kind of support! But the best you can find is someone in the same situation as you, like other mothers of multiples. This is not a knock on singleton moms, because I was one before the girls, but twins are a whole other world. I thought that raising one baby was very hard and I specifically remember complaining about the little things. NOW after twins I know how easy it really was. I do not dismiss though the complaints from singleton moms but it is harder to find sympathy. And two babies close together is also not the same as having twins! In the same instance, having just twins is not the same as having twins and a singleton. I think that twins alone are easier than having other children in the mix. There are stressful times that I envy singleton mothers and even moms that have just twins alone. Every family is unique and has their own dynamic, we are not to judge who is right and who is wrong or who has it harder than the other. Looking on what works for you and keeping balance. Then I look at all three of my beautiful children, not just when they are sleeping, but I see them and I think of the wonderful creation that God gave me and entrusted to me, and I know that I am blessed beyond measure to have my babies in what ever order/timing they came into this world.

When the girls where about 3 months old, they contracted RSV and were hospitalized for 6 days. This was the worst time in my life emotionally. I can only see it as hindsight is 20/20, but I was suffering from PPD. My problem was that I felt like no one acutally listen to what I needed. I didnt feel as if I need medication and I was no where near the place of hurting myself or the babies, but I was angry and tired and had lost myself. The girls took all of me. Even though I did have my mom and my inlaws, I felt as if I carried all the load and burden and needs of my babies. I broke that week. It was a very trying time in MY life, my marriage, and my family. I wish I could change it and demand that my needs be heard and a solution made. I wish that I had some other moms of multiples that could have stepped in and really could connect with emotionally and trust with all my darkest times.

The thing is, whether your a singleton/twins/triplet/ect. mommy, I feel we all need this help. I am not sure if it was the counseling or just time that healed but I am going on 2 years this fall that this actually happened. I am stronger now. I still have weak days, especially if the girls are sick or all three sick, but I know that these days will pass. I wonder how many other MoM out there just need a full day break from the stresses. We as a society are becoming more self serving and we actually need to be more sensitive and see others needs and help out. I have promised myself that once there kids are older, so the husband is not overwhelmed, that I will offer my help to a new mother.

We try to paint our families as perfect. Pictures on facebook, emails, and photo albums. They paint a pretty picture. But in reality that is not real life at all. I like to tell people when they say, thats a great family picture, that that is just literaly one second in time. Because the next picture would be of the girls going two different directions and a 6 year old pouting. That is life. I wish we could be more real with people, with out the fear of judgement. But again in reality we can't. That is what I struggle with. Who in this world really will not judge? No one. Only God loves us as we are. I trust in Him and He will sustain me!

I say all this, as this was my experience. Not all MoM struggle as I did. But sometimes I wonder how many really do but never say anything? I hope this was not a downer post, but we all have ups and downs. I am on my way up emotionally and enjoying life as it comes and learning not to stress out over the little things. As my mom says, pick your battles!

Movin' on up...

I am so excited! We finally got the notice that our girls are moving up to the toddler room at school! Of course we knew is was coming sometime in August but they got it earlier. They will be starting there on Monday! So many changes are coming in the next months. I got to thinking about it and once the girls move up there they will have more learning experiences and new friends that they can learn from, hopefully only the good things! :) 

Things to come this year I'm sure: moving to the toddler room at school, turning two, potty training, toddler beds, playing more in their rooms v/s in the living room. This all leads to us reclaiming our living room and study. Not that there will no longer be toys in there but...
We have already changed in the kitchen and all eat as a family of 5! I love it!

The above picture is the new arrangement and they are playing with playdoh for the first time!

Also, last night while walking down the hallway to take the girls to bath, they noticed their pool floats that were drying. They just kept saying wawe over and over and also pool! They were so excited and I cannot wait for the beach and to see their little faces light up over the excitement of all the new experiences they will have!

Fun times ahead...we just keep movin' on up!!

Good times...

I would say that this weekend was a success. With the exception that we did not see the fireworks that were to occur at 9pm Monday evening. I thought they were going to be a 8 and had every intention to go see them, but since they were another hour later, I just couldn't imagine what we were going to do for 3 hours past the girls bedtime. And yes, our girls go to bed between 6:30 and 7.

Saturday, I had a few running around things that I wanted to do. Accomplished and at home for nap and then a date afternoon. We got back home from our date around 7:15pm. We let the in laws babysit the kids and told them that the girls should be in bed by 7pm. Of course we get home and they are NOT in bed. In law tells us that they rocked a little and they were trying to wind down. Whatever!! First, they know that we do not rock the girls to sleep. They may live in fantasy land but it was just not feasible for us to rock the girls to sleep. We put them in bed and they may fuss a few minutes but they either go right to sleep or talk to each other before going to sleep. J tells them to wait a couple minutes and we will put them to bed and then we could talk more. Of course the m in law didn't want to wait because she didn't want to hear them crying. Really??? I am hoping that when we spend several days at the beach with them that they will see our method and understand how it works. Because it really does work. ( the kicker is that my sis in law, their daughter, also have twins. my in laws are at her house all the time and practically raise her kids and their bedtime situation is much different than ours and also a lot more chaotic. meaning, I cant stand it. but that is a whole other situation/story!)  Funny thing is the girls didn't even fuss that night!

Sunday was church and it was a good day!

Monday was July 4th! I decided last minute to call a friend and see if we could use her pool that morning. Thankfully she said yes and by 8:30 we were pooling it! The girls did great and I believe are going to do great when we go to the beach! I cannot wait!

That evening J said to me that it was a great weekend and wanted to know why this weekend seem so much easier and more relaxed then normal? He wanted to repeat it! I hope this is a sign that things are getting a little less chaotic in my organized chaos! :)

On another note... The girls were moved to regular booster seats at the table. We now eat as a family of 5 at our dinner table and I love it!

Also, we played with play-doh yesterday for the first time. I got brave and tried not to worry about the mess. The twins loved it and H has always loved playdoh. Good times and not too much mess. They did try to eat it but never took a successful bite!