Friday, October 26, 2012

Just have faith...

Just have faith...
That is what J just told me as he got off the phone. I just don't think that I have much left. Yes, I know God will take care of us, but (and I know there shouldn't be any buts) why not provide a great job now. Why is this taking so long?

I get so frustrated at him. I try to be supportive but I am struggling. I feel like my parents are mad with me/us. I don't want them to ever think that I am only taking, but I want them to know that I am grateful and indebted forever to them.

Someone has told him that they will have a full time position in 2013! 2013!???? I know part time will come before that but really, Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming...The kids don't deserve this at all. I am tired of taking and asking of my family.

J's mom gave him an envelope on Sunday night and said that someone gave it to her to give to us. It is a $50.00 Wallyworld gift card. I am not sure if it was for us or if she gave it to us because someone gave it to them for their pastor appreciation day which was this past Sunday. I guess I shouldn't question Gods blessings, no matter where they come from.

I am just ready to give up.

I am amazed at the two weeks that J was out of town working, how less stressed I was every night, even my coworker noticed. Wow! I also realized when he came home last weekend that it is his indecisiveness that gets me so frustrated. Even when I tell him that he can choose he just throws it back at me until I make the decision. He tells me not to worry that he will do what he needs to do to take care of his family. I don't know if these are just words or...He tells me things will be different when he comes home, because he realized how much he missed us when he was gone and he doesn't want to go through that again.

Pride...It is a hard thing to let go of. Is that what God is teaching me??? To let go of my pride. To know that He is the one in control and that I can leave it with Him to take care of?

When it came right down to him leaving, I didn't want him to go. When it came time to go bed, I wanted him there. I love this man...the man God gave to me to support and be his helpmate.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

I want off...

this roller coaster ride!!!


Yesterday afternoon, A goes to the back door and tells us their is a snake outside. I told her no there is not a snake. I got up to look with her anyway and sure enough...a snake slithering across the back patio. Our neighbors were not home so I ran across the street and got HK's dad, she is a girl in their K3 class. He was so very nice to come and kill it with a shovel and promptly throw it over the back fence. Uck!!

J was able to come home last night and the kids absolutely LOVED it. They miss and love their daddy so much. We did have to sit down and talk last night. J believes that he cannot do this new job. He has decided to come home. He does have a part time job lined up to start as soon as he gets back. And he is trying to get another one in place as well. He stated that he will do what he has to to keep this family together. I do believe him but it is hard to trust sometimes. So I am trusting God to provide, like he already has for us.

BIG thanks to my parents for letting J stay at their house for the last two weeks and treating him just like a son. I know that he will miss his lunch being made for him. :)

Please just keep praying for us...

Tuesday, October 23, 2012


Right now I believe that only God will get us through this. He has provided in so many ways, so I know that He will also lead us to the right path to take for our family.

J did get a job but it is about 3 hours away from us. This does not make this momma and kids happy. H is handling it pretty well but still wants/needs to talk with his dad almost nightly. The girls will ask for him and ask where he is and I tell them he is working and the day he will be home. They seem ok with that answer for now.

So many questions arise from this situation...Should we move? Should we stay? If we move where do we move to? and Can we afford this change? Then I would have to find a new job, UGH...the kids would have to start new schools...we would have to sell our house here first...These are things that we just don't know the answers to and relying on God to show us the signs for the direction we are to go. In almost two months the job that J took is the only thing that has been offered full time. Is that a sign? I have just gotten to where I am happy at work and very happy where the kids are going to school. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT THE ANSWER IS????

I am doing well so far on the home front, handling the kids and house by myself. I still get stressed and think at times that I just cant take this anymore and money problems still arise. But then I remember that I am NOT in control of things and that, thankfully, I can put them in Gods hands. I also remember to take just one day/moment/hour at a time. Its hard when the husband, a grown man, calls you from out of town crying because he just misses his family and feels like a failure because we are going through this. (sometimes we don't know what we have till it becomes absent from our lives) FAITH...we have to walk by faith.

I pray that if moving is not the right direction then God will open a door for a job here at home. But if it is then to clearly show us that that is our next step in our life. I really would like to be settled and just enjoy raising the kids. Living in limbo is not fun at all...

This story is to be continued of course...